Through the Eyes of a Child Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14
In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus, Philippians 2:5
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2
...to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone. Titus 3:2
Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:3
Here I am in my passport country. I made it. I have been stateside 16 days now. To say the adjustment has been challenging is a vast understatement. My first couple days was very busy, which helped flip my body clock's sense of day and night. Everything (yes I mean EVERYTHING) feels like an assault to my senses.
I was low-key interrogated in customs; it took over an hour to get through. The air is crisp and fresh--and COLD (I live on the equator). I hear one (no-accent) language being spoken, and I understand every word. I can read all the signs and billboards. I recognize roads, landmarks, places. So it should feel like "home," right?
No. The price of a pizza here is equivalent to a monthly electric bill where I live--and that's IF I use the AC all day, every day. People here waste more food in one day than some families I know hope to eat in one week. There is a lot of traffic...but drivers show no courtesy, plus they are on the opposite [wrong] side of the road. I can go into a church, sit through the service, the "greet each other" time, and walk out afterward without a single person speaking to me. But aren't I happy to be "home?"
No. I had my days roughly planned out to ensure I would spend plenty of time with my grandsons, while just resting and adjusting. My typical day to day involves a lot of online work, a lot of interacting in a different language, and with mainly adults. The only child I interact with regularly is just now beginning to say words. Spending time with my three, precious grands is so wonderful. However, my introvert is majorly overloaded. They talk a LOT. They talk FAST. They are speaking English, but sometimes I still have to strain to understand what they are saying. I know my "concentration" face appears to be a "mad" face, so I am trying to set aside any stress or lack of understanding that may be clouding my facial expression. It is hard work!
I have been staying in (what used to be) my mom's apartment. There is a scent that reminds me of her and our sweet fur baby, Cleopatra. That is all that is left of her there. Everything has been rearranged, changed, piled up in storage. She, and everything about her has been all but erased from the space. There's a poster-size photo of her from her memorial, some artwork she loved, and her ashes in a box on a shelf. No mom. No Cleo. No warmth. "Home?"
No. I have observed my grandsons interactions with each other through the lens of seeing the world "as a child." Jesus said the Kingdom of Heaven belongs those who would be as children. The photos above show my youngest's quick sketch of me. What does he see? My head, glasses, hair, eyes, mouth, and necklace. Those are the parts he saw and considered important to draw. Does the sketch look like me? Actually, yes it does. I'm not sure it would pass as one to be used in a line-up, but yes!
Along with all of the above, I have had some extremely challenging emotions to process since I've been stateside. Here are just the major ones:
1. Re-entry (regardless how brief it will be)
2. Grief (Mom's only been gone 1.5 years, she was my 'person,' and I'm sleeping in the [VERY much changed] space where she [AND our fur baby] lived and died.
3. My 4th day stateside, my Nanna died (Mom's mom).
4. My grands shared their virus with me, and I have been quite sick for 1/2 the time I've been here.
5. I exist here under the incredibly heavy expectation to be basically normal, healthy.
I am barely over 2 weeks in. I have what feels like a LONG time to go. While I know that no place on earth will feel like home--especially since mom went to Jesus--I do have the privilege of spending the next week in a different place. I have felt more at home since I arrived in this house than during the entirety of my time stateside. The calm and peace is overwhelming. This will be an ideal location for my prayer/fasting time. He always provides!
I want to see the most important things. I want to view this entire experience "Through the Eyes of a Child." I want to be that child, sitting at the feet of Jesus, listening to His wisdom. Deeply soaking in His grace. His mercy. His kindness. His SPIRIT. I just want to clearly see what, in all of this, does He find important? How can I make sense of this to sketch it out? What lessons does He want me to learn? How is He stretching and growing me?
I will trust His timing. I have the next 7 days slated for prayer, fasting, and asking Him to guard my soul.
God is sheer mercy and grace;
not easily angered, he’s rich in love.
He doesn’t endlessly nag and scold
nor hold grudges forever.
He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve
nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.
As high as heaven is over the earth
so strong is his love to those who fear him.
And as far as sunrise is from sunset
he has separated us from our sins.
As parents feel for their children
God feels for those who fear him.
Psalm 103: 8-13
