Dearest Mom,
In about an hour, it will be the 100th day since you went home to Jesus. You know, it's also Milton's birthday...and the day before Norvin's. We are just a family full of one-offs!
Here, where I live, people have a big celebration on the 100th day after someone leaves the earth. The thought of celebrating turns my stomach. When I see other people doing all the "fun" things...it's almost irritating. It's not that I want anyone to suffer. It just feels like when you left, my joy disappeared and hasn't come back yet. It's hard mom. Sometimes the pain overwhelms every ounce of me. There is so much tension between being beyond happy for you because you're in the arms of Jesus, yet also feeling the deepest devastation of knowing that I won't have another earthly moment beside you.
I know you are in Paradise. I know that you are whole and pain free. I know you are in His presence.
I know that is a reason to celebrate, but....
How can I when I also know....
No more road trips...or travel of any type together.
No more holding hands.
No more 3am phone calls.
No more hugs.
No more kisses.
No more of your playful little pinches.
No more playing games.
No more sharing fresh coconuts.
I will lament, mom.
If He wakes me up again tomorrow, I will praise our faithful Father and ask Him to let me feel a bit of joy on your 100th day with Him.
Oh mom, I miss you so.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Thank You for your comment!
You are AMAZING ;)