Sunshine in my Soul

Stormy.

Often times I allow myself to wallow in the quicksand

created by the tempestuous situations in my life.

Many such conditions are created by none other than me.

I become immersed in self pity.

Then I realize I'm going to drown unless I come up for air.

I open my eyes and am blinded by the light that has been there all along.

There is sunshine in my soul!

Even if merely one beam of light pierces the darkness, how brightly it shines!

I am a child of God!

How can I testify regarding the hope that is in me if I am gloomy and dark?

I simply can not.

The Holy Spirit is ever present, warming my soul.

My Lord, my Jesus, He never gives up on me!

I am deeply grateful to Him for being my friend even when I don't deserve it.

1Peter 1:3-5

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.

My Lord is faithful, merciful, powerful!!

He has placed sunshine in my soul!

Oh my Lord, my God, my Saviour...

Thank you!

Just When I Thought I Was Over It

I suppose that after years and years, I should expect the intentional "digs" and the darts aimed at me, right? Should it even effect me at all now that it's "over"? Probably not. It does though. When nearly half of your life is...or should I say was...devoted to something it should not come as a surprise that it can still cause you pain. I have to say that it DID come as a big surprise to me though. I guess that as I have been transforming back into myself, I had let my guard down because I really didn't see any need to have it up. Wow, Satan really can sneak in and zap you if you're not paying attention, can't he? I thought all those feelings were gone. I thought I was totally over it. I guess I was wrong. Chalk one up to the other side!! Yes, the enemy managed to peel the nearly healed scab off of that deep wound and poured in a cup of salt watered down with some rubbing alcohol... and what's worse? They're probably sitting back laughing their tails off.
God does not give us more than we can handle...so long as we realize that we NEED Him to help us through. This is something I tend to forget, especially since I moved out of the "Bible Belt" of the country and came back home to the quite liberal PNW. I do pray, but not often enough. I do read the Bible, but not often enough. I look to God in good and bad times...but not every time.
I realized something about myself though. Something I really didn't think about much before: I am insecure. Very much so, in fact. I seem to allow external things/words/actions effect me more than anyone ought to.
So, as I lick my wounds, I am resolved to turn fully to God. I will follow where He leads me. I will do my best not to allow this to keep me down. After all...I ought to be over it by now.

Neglect

I have neglected you, blog. 
I'm really really sorry.
What have I been doing? 
Work Work Work Work Work Work
I believe we're going for another record here on the good old Olympic Peninsula for babies born in one month. I thoroughly enjoy my job but I am definitely ready to slow down for at least a couple of days!

I have many things to write about...I will try not to neglect you much longer!

 

"Open House"

I work night shift. Most nights I go in at 11pm, some nights I go in at 7pm and work until 7:30am. When I have off days I tend to live those same general hours. Unless, of course, I've got a hike planned or some other activity and then I might rise before 9am, but this is rare.

I get this text from a friend I work with:

(It's like 8:30 on my off day)

"Get your a$$ over here, I've got the coffee going."

Most days I wouldn't have even heard the "ding ding" my phone makes when I receive a text...but for some reason, I just wasn't sleeping deeply enough, so I did hear it and actually looked at it!

Most days I might have a witty comment to come back with after I've been up awhile, but my brain was basically mush due to the insanely early hour on top of my lack of sleep. So my response was:

"I'll be there in 20 to 30, but I look horrible"

Yes, I actually got out of my cozy bed and grabbed Mom & we headed over, bottle of maple syrup in hand. (the kids had made pancakes & they were out)

We arrived, drank espresso so that I could make intelligable conversation hehe, and chatted for a bit. Turns out that she had invited a few others to stop by at their leisure for sort of an "open house" type of day.

We decided it would be craft day. Yes, I am an artist with paper, pencils and paints. She is crafty with material and a sewing machine. Don't get me wrong, she is very artistic in other ways as well, but this day, she taught me a few things about patterns and folding and pinning and cutting and measuring and matching fabrics and OH! We had so much fun! We were preparing the materials to make 4 "Amy Butler" bags.

(Apparently if you know anything about sewing, then you know Amy Butler.) Several others trickled in through the morning and pitched right in.

 We sat on the floor in her living room "crafting" and wow, I was suffering at the end of the day. You don't realize which muscles you don't use (like those in my lower back) until you do use them for hours & then try to ignore them as you stand up. I really felt OLD!

There ended up being a house full by mid day. We sat out on her deck and drank greyhounds with a fabulous lunch that she and her husband prepared with Grilled Steak,salmon & fresh vegies, spinach salad (with her home made dressing that is to die for) & mashed yams. It was a beautiful sunny day.

I am so glad I heard my phone. I am equally glad that I was too tired to fuss about what time it really was, and that I drug myself up and went. It was a wonderful mood lifter for me to spend the day with friends

feeling relaxed and "at home."

Thank you God for the blessing of friends!

Freedom

Millions of Americans will be considering it over the next several days.

It means something different to every individual.

When I begin to really consider the concept, it amazes me how truly free I could be if only...IF ONLY I would completely turn myself over to God. It's not that I make a conscious effort not to do this, it's just that I allow myself to be imprisoned by any number of things. Things which seem to be so all fired important at the time...and then some things that really don't seem all that important at all. Especially in hindsight.

Just what, you may wonder, is so captivating to me?

Weeelllll, it depends on the day. A HUGE diversion to me is my beloved television. Yes, I am guilty of being addicted to some TV shows. It's so bad that I become emotional when adverse events occur in the character's lives! It's like they are members of my family or something. Delusions of grandeur? I'm sure it's some kind of disease. 

For example, I literally cried real tears when I found out J.J. was going to have to leave the BAU. I mean, she didn't want the other job! She LOVED where she was, and I loved her being there! Not to mention that Garcia, Derek, Hodgner, Rossi, Reid & Prentis will have to do ALL the PR themselves. Not that they aren't capable, but come on!! J.J. was simply the BEST! Then, as if losing J.J. wasn't enough, Prentis was "killed"!! OH the nerve of the writers! Okay, so she isn't actually dead but she has gone off on another adventure and she's gone from the set...and yes, before I found out that she wasn't actually dead, my eyes were welling up again. Thank you for DVR. It saves me from going absolutely insane on Wednsday nights... 

Totally ridiculous, right?

Oh, and in case you're not aware of who these people are and just what I'm referring to? The cast of Criminal Minds...

What else do I become enthralled in when I'm not catching up on one of my (many) night time soaps?

Facebook Games.

I used to be a Farm Town junkie. I made some pretty impressive farms on that screen let me tell ya. I actually disconnected my old Facebook account and completely started over just to break myself from my farms. I had a Farm Town, Farmville, AND a Country Life farm. If you are familiar with these, you know how much time it takes to make them elaborate.
Well mine were quite elaborate.

I escaped their grasp for a couple years!!

Then I got an invitation from Mom to play my current obsession:

Gardens of Time.

Mom was taken back at how quickly I was climbing through the levels and building yet another elaborate fantasy "garden" rather than "farm" this time.

Thanks a lot Mom for introducing me to my next ball & chain.

If I recorded the amount of time that I've wasted on these 2 things alone, I know it would nauseate me. This is just the tip of the iceburg too.

Just noting the couple of things off the top of my head that I have allowed myself to be enslaved to...how free am I really?

Well, I suppose it all just boils down to freedom of choice. I am as free as I want to be, I just have to make the appropriate choices.

The fact that numerous men and women have given their lives to ensure that I have the freedoms I do living in this country has not escaped me. I pray for those all over the world who are not as fortunate. I pray for people who are enslaved...in any way, by anyone or anything. I pray that God grants me the will and the strength begin using my freedom for GOOD rather than wasting so much time with futile activities.

Here's to freedom of choice!

Joshua said it just right:
Choose ye this day whom you shall serve...
..as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord"