30 Years Ago Today

So....in my little world, 30 years ago today I was excited to be going to the golf course with my Dad! (Oh how I miss my Dad) This day, we were at Esmerelda. We spent much quality time together on the many golf courses around Spokane over the years, and to me, a 10 year old girl...getting to help Dad carry his clubs was a big job and it made me feel so very important!
Dad was planning to go 18 holes that day & the weather was just beautiful. A sunny, warm late Spring day, perfect for a father-daughter outing. We were somewhere around the 9th hole or so when the lovely, bright sun began to 'dim'. We entertained the possibility that a rain storm was imminent. What else would cause the sun to disappear at noon? We headed into the club house so Dad could get a 'rain check' for the remainder of his game and that's where the TV caught our attention. Could it really be true? A volcano that was hundreds of miles West of us was causing this?
We had been expecting Mount St. Helens to blow, but we certainly didn't believe for a second that it would effect us here, in Spokane, in any way...wow, were we wrong! Dad had a black Chrysler Cordova. He used to let me sit on his lap and "drive" sometimes and, of course, that made me feel big and important too! :) Once we watched the TV broadcasts for a short while, we headed out to the car to attempt to make it home before it got much worse. It was about as light as it usually is shortly after the sun disappears under the horizon on a typical evening, but steadily becoming darker. It was 'raining' alright....raining ash.  Dad's lovely black car had a nice layer of this gray ash on it already. The trip from Esmerelda to our house typically took about 30 minutes or so. Not today. The longer we were in the car, the thicker and faster the ash was falling on us and the darker it became. Traffic was bumper to bumper this "lovely" Sunday afternoon as people all over the city were trying to make it home through this ashy blizzard. A remarkable sight! Dad was always SO much fun to ride with...and this day was no exception. We couldn't play the 'alphabet game' because we couldn't see the billboards, or store signs...or even the license plates on any of the cars because it was so very dark. I remember laughing with Dad all the way home anyway! After about 2 1/2 hours, we finally made it home to Mom.
I was a young adventurer who rode my bike everywhere, so I wanted to try to make it to the corner circle K store which was about 6 blocks away....probably just to say that I had done it. I'm not sure why Mom & Dad let me do such silly things, but I had a way of begging and getting my way...so off I went! I rode through the blizzard of ash as fast as I could ride...which was not very fast! I made it about 3 blocks before I realized that if I actually ever made it to the store, I'd certainly not be able to make it back! I stopped at a friend's house & they didn't even recognize me! I was completely covered in dry ash except for a sliver of flesh just around my eyes where I'd been squinting and my eyes tearing. Rather than make a muddy mess in their house, I headed back home where Mom helped me get cleaned up and we watched in wonder as the TV played and replayed the awesome eruption of this massive volcano over and over again.
The after effects of Mount St Helens lasted many years...and the memory of that day are blazed into my memory like a brand.
It's been 30 years today since that fateful event.
It's been 17 months & 5 days since I lost my wonderful Dad :(  I sure miss him!

I Want to See People How God Sees People...

Give Me Your Eyes, Brandon Heath

Looked down from a broken sky

Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight

Touched down on the cold black tar
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breathe in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos

All those people going somewhere
Why have i never cared?

CHORUS:
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so i can see
Everything that i keep missing
Give me your love for humanity

Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach?
Give me your heart for the one's forgotten
Give me your eyes so i can see
Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide what?s underneath

There?s a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
Too ashamed to tell his wife
He's out of work he's buying time

All those people going somewhere
Why have i never cared?

CHORUS

I've been there a million times
A couple of million eyes just moving past me by
I swear i never thought that i was wrong

Well i want a second glance
So give me a second chance
To see the way you see the people all alone

CHORUS x2

 I was 'directed' to this song when I made my facebook status, "I want to learn to see people how God sees people" and I am so glad! These lyrics speak what I was thinking....something I've strugged with & the plea I have for the insight & the ability to look through God's eyes at others.

Peace, Love & the Pacific

Well, well, well....those 3 things may not seem that they would go together....at least not the Pacific part...but for me, they blend beautifully.

PEACE: I have wanted to be home....really home for such a long time. My house has not felt like a home since....well, really ever. That is certainly sad to say, but it is so true. I won't elaborate because there is really no need to. I will simply say that Kory and I became so close for very good reason--we understand each other and we have both had to live in this environment for so many years that it just pushed us together! When you are limited on choices of who you can turn to, you choose who you can. I wish I had been a good influence and factor in his life LONG before I actually was, but we made up for lost time pretty well I think. He turned out to be an amazing young man, and I may not have taken much part in that....but we know who certainly had NO part in it! It just creates such a sadness in me. Deep sadness. I have been pondering this for quite some time now, and I really think that is the reason I am (well, have been) so intensely protective over him. Many say it's just what being a parent is about, and to some degree, this is probably true...but I know I took it over the top many times. I had too numerous to count discussions with him about his Christian walk, and how the decisions he was making would effect him later in life. There's part of a teen boy that a Mom just can't reach....and that definitely puts a pit in my stomach...but I am SO thankful that he  finally has a good man he can talk to who's related to him. He needs that role model so much. I can be at peace now....

LOVE: OH how I wish he would be honest with me though!! There are things... one specific thing, that he continues to choose to be dishonest with me about--even when there is no need! I don't know if that will ever change. I think it's because he's trying to 'protect' his 'secret'....which need not be a secret; well, really isn't a secret, he just thinks it is. LOL!! Love, OH Love....OH the many colors that you're made of....This is not derogatory AT ALL...it's just my absolute curiosity--why? I've asked it so many times before.....WHY? I have loved him AND his 'secret' all this time!! I don't think I've tried harder to PROVE that to anyone before! (well, except one, but he has NEVER noticed, and probably never will) It's as if I'm the only person involved in the whole situation who has ever messed up in the way I've dealt with things. True statement? Well NO!! EVERYONE involved has messed up in some way or another! It just seems to have more impact when it's ME doing the messing up. Why? I have painstakingly tried to get the message through to them all that I LOVE HER!! Yes, I confronted her about some things...it was my duty as a Christian to do so. Why, just today, I confronted someone I love about something...because it was my duty as a Christian. I would expect nothing less from my fellow Christians, and I HAVE been confronted myself...not by any of them (except Kor)...not in a Christian manner anyway. I certainly am not perfect (or even sort-of good for that matter) at doing the confronting, but I only said the FEW things I said out of love...for heaven's sake, I said the exact same things to him! & I love him more than life itself!  Well, I DID vent thru this very blog once...but it was out of sheer frustration over the fact that it's always got to be such a secret! I sincerely hope that will all change. How many different ways can you apologize to someone, beg their forgiveness and try to convince them that you really really love them? If everyone is Christian....how many times or ways should you even have to? Are we not commanded to forgive one another? I don't find it in my Bible anywhere where it tells you that you must grovel at someones feet for___ months or years before you deserve their forgiveness. I worked and worked on getting the communication going again so things wouldn't have to be so secretive....but still, I am lied to about things. I know this is true....the psychology that is used on me doesn't work. (sorry) I know with almost 100% certainty that even though he says otherwise, this is what he wants...and I am fairly certain that it's been going on the whole time....even before it was no longer "forbidden" (NOT by me, mind you.) Some day when we are all in the same place and we hear the music and turn around and lay eyes on the most beautiful girl we've all ever seen... maybe shed a tear (me--oh yes, I'll cry like a baby...joyful tears!) then maybe she (they) will know that I have never stopped loving her....it was the other way around. Yes, love IS made of many colors...I just hope that one day all the colors in THIS situation will blend.....and blend peacefully and beautifully. This is (and has been) my prayer the whole time. God WILL work this out for good, so long as we ALL keep Him in focus at our finish lines....

PACIFIC: So....I love the Pacific Ocean, just in case I've not mentioned this previously.

I've been contemplating having some work done on my left ankle for awhile now...sorta to match the right, but also simply because I like ink. So.....

Outside view (above)

Front (below)

Back (above)

Inside (below)

I feel more peace standing on a beach, watching the Pacific Ocean crashing against the shore, sending showers of sea water 20-30 feet into the air than I do anywhere else in the world. Why? I know that my God is bigger and more powerful than I can even fathom & the mighty waves help me keep that in the forefront of my mind. I am certain that's why I was so attracted to this particular piece. Randall (the artist) and I tweaked it a bit (minus yin-yang symbol, plus the peace sign!)  so it would be personal to me.

Mom and I planned to go together to get matching color...and she loves it so much that she plans to come over & have it done too! It will make me think every time I look down at it. Others need not understand this.

I am at home here. I have found my peace...love...and the Pacific! ;)

Mission Accomplished!!

Mom and I went on the 9.5 mile hike again yesterday. The 1st 3.2 miles consists of boardwalks, gravel & mud. Some easy ups and downs, nothing too steep or difficult really. "Watch your step" is an understatement when referring to the boardwalks though because they are slick as ice when wet and, of course, we're in rainforest country so they were wet! We were both prepared with 'spikes' attached to the bottoms of our shoes so no slipping occured ;) I was in the lead at Mom's insistance & she assured me she would speak up if I was going too fast. (My stride is a bit longer than hers-I'm not a speed demon or anything!) About 45min into the first leg of the hike we came to the meadow in which there are hundreds of wild azaleas lining the path. Unfortunately, there were very few blooms as of yet. Multiple elephant ________? plants were noted as well with their enormous leaves and yellow 'flowers'. Neat stuff. I asked Mom periodically if she was doing okay & she answered, "yeah," every time except once when we were almost to the beach. Uh-oh! Not the best time to realize you might not make it! :/
I had great faith in her! I let her know that it would be okay if we needed to head back, but she wanted to at least see the beach, so we continued on. Once we crested the hill that leads down to the beach we caught the spectacular view of the mighty Pacific! Regardless how many times I see it, it takes my breath away every time. We stopped at the bottom where we found a spot to re-fuel and take in the beauty. Mom changed her shoes, decided she could make it, and off we went down the beach. It was just after low tide which meant the tide was coming back in, but atmospheric pressure was low, so we had time, right?

I swung wide out on the rocks, among the tide pools and sea stacks. I searched every surface I came across. Mom stayed on shore and searched the rocks there. Finally, she yelled and I came running.

It was a false alarm, so we kept going. Shortly thereafter.....SUCCESS!! I saw the first petroglyph I've EVER seen!
 

I don't know why I am so fascinated by these carvings but I am! A little history left for us on the rocks

.

Once we spent (too much) time scrambling around the rocks to see as many as we could, we continued along the beach.

The top of one of the sea stacks kept 'moving' & we assumed it was a bird or two (there are so many) up there...but as we got closer we saw that it was actually deer! 4 black tails, 1 little buck, a doe and 2 fawns. They didn't seem to be bothered by us at all. I was so tempted to walk up and try to pet one, but I have a healthy respect for wildlife and the danger involved, so I refrained. We snacked as we watched them for (too long) a while, then onward!

So, all the fascinating little stops had us pushing the envelope with the tide. It was coming in fast and the beach was shrinking. There were a couple spots I anticipated having to go inland to pass. The first was no big deal, just a short up & over. The second, however, was a different story! It was so steep that they had a large rope (with knots tied in it every 2 feet or so) connected to a tree at the top of the hill to assist as we scaled the side of this mountain! Looks were deceiving as we peered up the hill...believing that the top is the furthest point we can actually see from ground zero...not true! Once we got to THAT point, we saw that we were only actually 1/2 way up! We both figured that once we got to the top, the trail would just continue from there. Another not true! Going down the other side was the only option and it was steeper than the way up. We 'repelled' back down to the beach. Needless to say, we both survived it, but it definitely zapped major energy! 

***If you look really closely at this picture, just to the right of the tree trunk you see toward the top of the pic there's a little bitty blue blob--that's Mom repelling down!***

The only other snag we ran into was the area just before reaching sandy point where driftlogs were covering the entire visible beach area so we had to navigate through them and try not to slip through the cracks :)

We took turns taking well deserved hot showers once we got back to the house and had an awesome dinner of sushi and dessert of hot-fudge banana sundaes!

It was the 3rd time I've gone in search of those petroglyphs and having Mom there to experience it with me was awesome. All 9.5 miles was well worth it! Mission Accomplished!